i have a history of hyper ventilation. right now my vessels are high in pressure. high in blood i am killing my tissues, i don't know why.. but all i know is i am transforming myself. why? i don't know...
from long i am wondering, how would a hallucination feel ? from the inside, is it like a dream? i have developed a talent to distinguish between a dream and reality. 'i' come online inside my dream and tell myself that it is a dream, thats another story. can i distinguish between a hallucination and reality like the the dream? when buddha was asked by a seeker, whether it is true that there are heaven and hell. and gods n demons. is it true that there are things like 'mara' and his army of demons? he asked with wide open pupils that weather he can see them too ? would buddha be willing to show him all that, if he be his followers. lord [who prefered being called a teacher], ironically again.. 'lord' buddha then spoke. he said that he doesn't know, he will not show him all that. but he can give what a seeker needs. he can satisfy the urge that triggered the curiosity. that is how my curiosity about hallucination is. all my earthly mind needs is some attention. given that, no matter how deep is the urge or love towards anything, it just subsides. thats is just how deep our ego is.
i realised something recently, we are all already in hallucination
! continiously. what ever we think and talk or emotions are just connections between brain cells. the pattern we see. the colours. the depth perception all that are just few strengthen connections by repeated tracing, which means we are more prone to think that way. here is where talk about prejudices. whatever you are looking at, are picked up by your sense organs and done some FFTs and is perceived in a way how we are seeing. its a myth that we are inside this room. suppose if i, for some reason start to see the colour which i call as yellow as which you call red. will we be able to figure it out ever ?? i guess not. no, is what i think now. there could be something in this room that our sense organs are also not evolved to pick up. that is not our reality. that simply do not exist. those who have seen the movie source code can understand this very well. from outside we are just bundle of neurons that is supplied energy and food. but that brain of just 1.4 kg lives in an illusion that it lives in wherever it thinks it is ! we are not even one person who lives inside our bodies. i have a little set of neurons that is saying that i don't have patience to finish this article. we all think very ideally, atleast we think we do. but most of us fail to live so ideally. thats because of these others that live within us. we are sparks of sodium and potassium ions. each of our personalities a window to think in its way. but what comes out... is average of it all. thats why most of us are failures in reality. our hardware is in a shared network that can be be simultaneously commanded. and also hangup cause of multiple commands. i am not able to digest the fact that i am average of so many things in me. we are on so strict terms on privacy. we mark our boundaries so well. but we so messed up inside believe me! to find my soul, is to bring it all under one command. to enlightenment is to getting off the illusion that there is a line of command atall....
